Monday, October 5, 2009

A Sad Moment

Today starts with a heavy heart. I am not writing the following to gain sympathy or pity. It's just for me to unload some emotion. I often receive comments from people who think I am so strong in the things we have to handle. Most days I smile it off because it's just life, we've been dealt our cards and we are playing them the best can :) And I know there are others who deal with alot more then we do. Most days we can forget how CF has affected our lives and feel pretty normal. Today it's a little harder.

Last night we sent our children to bed, on time for once, and then proceded to get ourselves in bed early. About 9:45 there was a knock on our door and a little girl was standing there with tears in her eyes. I was in the middle of praying and stopped for just a second to listen to what she was telling Rob, sure it was just another nighmare. But then she said something that just broke my heart and I had to change my prayer real quick asking that I be able to tell her the things she needed to hear. My poor little baby had been laying in bed thinking of all her treatments and probably her recent sinus surgery which has led to more medications and the weight of it all finally got to her. She came down to let us know it was too much. Elizabeth occassionally fights us on her treatments but for the most part she is compliant and doesn't complain. To hear her tell us that it was too much and too hard was too much for me. No six year old should have to lay in bed at night stressing over these kinds of things. We both held her tight and told her how much we loved her. We told her we thought she was so brave and so amazing. She and I cried together. I told her I also wished she didn't have to do these things, that it was hard on mom and dad too. We talked to her about why she had to do all these treatments and she knew it was to keep her healthy. We told her it was ok to be sad, that sometimes life just gets too hard and it's ok to take a moment to cry over it. Rob then turned to the scriptures to show her there were others who had felt life was too much and then read Heavenly Father's response to their prayers. I know I am not one to share my religious beliefs on here and I have my own personal reasons for that but I have to share here that I am so grateful there is a Plan. I know Heavenly Father is aware of us and my daughter. I know Elizabeth would not be nearly as healthy if it weren't for answered prayers that have been offered up by loving family and dear friends. I know He has a plan for her and will do what He can to help her along. I know she is an amazing little spirit and today is one of those days where I am truly humbled that we were chosen to be her parents. I feel so unequal to the task most days and I have to tell myself constantly what we told her last night. Heavenly Father doesn't give us anymore than we can handle. And we definitley can't do it alone, we need His help.

So for now I need to learn from Elizabeth. She had a good cry with us and was able to unload all her worries and weaknesses. Today she is running around like nothing happened, happy and cheerful :) She knows she's loved by us and Heavenly Father and for now that is enough. Takes us adults a little longer to let go of the hurt I guess :) I'll totally be fine in a few hours, just had to let myself have a sad moment.


Anonymous said...

She has a good momma! I think of so many times we feel unequal to the challenges, tasks, burdens placed upon us...we can take comfort in One who has greater wisdom and foresight than we can in our current state. She's a wonderful lil' one and you are right - you are the parents just right for her. I love you guys! You're in my thoughts!! M

vaxhacker said...

*hugs* to all of you guys.

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth is such a strong girl. And you are such a wise mom. Life is hard, but for some it is very hard. My heart goes out to Elizabeth, I love her sweet smile and happy face in Primary. I hope things will brighten for you and your family. She is a strong girl and Heavenly Father knew that about her spirit. And as for being her mom--you seem to do motherhood so effotlessly. I marvel at your strength, even in tough times.